Are My Expectations for Myself Too High?

Are Your Expectations for Yourself Realistic?

I often see people struggling with feeling stuck, not enough, or convinced they should be doing more. Maybe they say, "I know I'm capable of more; I'm just making excuses for myself." They believe they simply aren't pushing hard enough.

You may even think similarly—wondering if you could achieve more by sleeping less or forcing yourself to power through. But before you judge yourself, ask: Am I truly underperforming, or am I expecting peak performance while neglecting my fundamental needs?

Your body can accomplish incredible things—when its basic needs are met. Yet people often ignore crucial signals: exhaustion, lack of motivation, or difficulty getting out of bed. These aren’t signs of laziness; they’re warnings that something deeper needs attention. Let’s walk through it.

Physiological Needs

We start at the foundation: Are you hungry, thirsty, cold, hot? Are you exhausted or in pain? If so, your ability to function at higher levels is compromised. Your body prioritizes survival, and no amount of discipline can override its biological imperatives.

I’m looking at you—the person who holds their pee until they finish one more email or ignores thirst to complete a task. Why have your most basic needs become conditional? These small acts of neglect compound over time, making higher-level functioning harder.

If you’re exhausted, the solution isn’t to push harder—it’s to pause. True productivity starts with meeting your body’s needs, not ignoring them.

Safety

This one is complex, especially in a world where not everyone has equal access to safety. If you have a marginalized identity, hyperawareness of risk can make it difficult to focus on other areas of life. The unpredictability of external circumstances can create stress that permeates every decision.

This is why safety and belonging are deeply connected—when the world feels unstable, strong relationships and social networks can be a stabilizing force. Researcher Robert Putnam, in Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community, explored how robust social connections create security, even when external factors feel uncertain.

Beyond that, safety includes financial stability, housing security, and physical health. When was your last annual check-up? If you’re experiencing fatigue, difficulty concentrating, or lack of motivation—common symptoms of depression—these could also have physiological causes. Sometimes, addressing a simple health issue can bring clarity and renewed energy.

Love and Belonging

Social connection can nourish us, but it can also trap us. This need is why people stay in relationships that are unfulfilling or even harmful. We crave love, intimacy, and acceptance, sometimes at the expense of our well-being.

The line between safety and belonging is blurry; they weave in and out of each other. Even self-esteem is entangled with relationships—sometimes, our connections build us up, while other times, we need a baseline of self-worth to advocate for better treatment.

Self-Esteem

Maslow divides this into two categories: self-respect and the esteem we receive from others. This is where careers, hobbies, and reputation come into play—our sense of competence and value within society.

Many people expect themselves to function at this level while struggling with unmet needs in the earlier stages. They wonder why they can't focus on skill-building, confidence, or professional growth when, in reality, their energy is being drained by more fundamental concerns. It’s not fair to demand high-level performance from yourself when you’re still fighting for stability.

Self-Actualization

Finally, we reach self-actualization—the realization of our full potential. Maslow believed few people sustain this stage long-term, and I agree. These moments come in waves—what he called peak experiences—where we feel deeply aligned with our purpose, flow effortlessly, and experience true fulfillment.

But these moments don’t last forever, and they were never meant to. Life isn’t about constantly maximizing our potential; it’s about balance. Accepting the ebb and flow of motivation, energy, and achievement is key to sustainable success. The goal isn't just to reach self-actualization—it’s to understand that moving through these stages is natural.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been expecting high-level performance from yourself while ignoring your foundational needs, you’re not failing—you’re human. Instead of forcing more output, try meeting yourself where you are. Productivity isn’t just about pushing harder; it’s about setting yourself up for success by tending to the needs that make growth possible.