Why Do I Feel Like I’m Failing at Adulthood — Even When I’m Trying So Hard?

Often my clients don't feel like they have their shit together - even when they are highly accomplished, driven people. They feel they are missing out, always behind - that they should have a large friend group, never have dishes in the sink, and clean their dishwashers, all while maintaining and advancing in their work and getting regular exercise. Feeling they should have this without acknowledging what they have done - getting a job they love, finishing school, taking care of an aging parent, or putting yourself out there to ask for a date. Clients often have a long list of accomplishments while also feeling they lack motivation.

What if the issue isn't a lack of motivation but emotional overload? Our days are packed with anything from showing up to work, meal prepping, and caretaking - then add in emotional labor, trauma responses, and chronic stress. By feeling like you should be capable of doing more, you are writing off the immense load you already carry. Do you think you are underestimating how hard it is just to be?

This is a common experience I see clients attempt to fix by loading up their schedules, starting unrealistic wellness routines, and filling every bit of their time—but all this does is add to the emotional overload without addressing the emotional overload. What if you aren't supposed to be constantly advancing, and what if your work is to learn how to exist peacefully with yourself?

Healing is not linear, and growth doesn't just look like output but input, too. A significant first step is offering compassion to yourself and your situation.

Who exactly are you behind? An influencer with a staff? That's not your circus or monkies, and we gotta come back inward.

Pause and take a breath. What would change if you stopped trying to catch up? If you let yourself exist and - maybe even rest - guilt-free? Would that mean you accomplish less? That's not what I see from people who take this path.

If this resonated with you and you're ready to reconnect with your values, self-worth, or pace — my therapy practice is open to new clients in NY + VT. Contact me here.

Or check out my free Values-Informed Dating Worksheet — it's a gentle way to come home to yourself.

Morgan (Ana) Daffron, LMFT is a trauma-informed therapist working with women and couples navigating self-worth, relationships, and identity. Her work has been featured in Forbes, HuffPost, and Success Magazine. She believes therapy should be tender, transformative, and deeply honest.
👉 Learn more about Ana or schedule a consult